The Things Nobody Will Tell You

There is being socially acceptable, and then there is just being aware of what you do and say. Not many people will tell you the following things, but they’re things that need to be said. (They’re also what goes through everyone’s mind, but no one wants to damage how people see them.)

1. It’s not their fault…it’s yours.
   Yes, we have bad days, and it’s okay to be overwhelmed, but stop blaming your problems on other people. It’s hard, as someone with anxiety and depression and just a normal human being, to read that the problems in your life aren’t because of someone else. There are definitely times when people may make you feel a certain way or hurt you, but your reaction from there is up to you. Something people in the States definitely struggle with is their ego. Pride causes so many difficulties, and to hold a grudge is like falling to a certain doom. So, to say it like a teen, chill. Stop blaming things on others and focus on what you can do to improve yourself. (Although there is a flip-side to this…don’t become overly self-critical and hate yourself.)
2. Stop acting like there isn’t a future generation.
   I see videos made by the newly popular app, TikTok, talking about how their condom broke, and that’s how they got pregnant. Other people talk about how much work a baby is, or how they want to adopt just so that they can make sure their child has blue eyes or brown hair. As an adoptee, it’s hard to read or see these things. Because that baby will end up being someone like you. That “mistake” might end up being the next President or actor or famous musician. But even if that child doesn’t end up being “great” (in the world’s eyes), they have a worth. I was a “mistake”. Nobody really wanted me, but here I am. And my adopted family has given me a life I never could have had. So, make sure that you are adopting for the right reasons and motives. And, really, if you didn’t want a baby, you didn’t need to do that. A baby is a big responsibility, but also a huge joy. Make sure you’re worthy of it. Because that infant will, one day, take care of you, come home from college to see you, and eventually, will probably bury you. Make sure that you are worth their time, attention, and love.
3. Don’t distance yourself.
   I will be the first to say that I am a professional at pushing people away. Life has not been the kindest to me, and I have learned to do things for myself. I have walked through some of the hardest times by myself. But, the further on my life goes, I find that life’s lessons have been untrue. One day, I might want to marry. And that would mean having to pour out my heart to someone. That might just be one of my greatest fears. But imagine how hard it would be for the person on the other side. If I said that I loved them but wasn’t able to give them my thoughts and my heart’s feelings, how would they feel? Their is never just one side to happenings in life. Remember that.
4. Being successful isn’t everything.
   Everyone’s got dreams. Some are absolutely insane, and others are highly achievable. As a young person, I have the craziest, biggest dreams. But as a realist, I despair that they are impossible. My goals include things that might seem like the “American dream”, but in reality, I want them because I want to be happy. Everyone wants to be happy. Behind depression, anxiety, bipolar, and other disorders, we are all human, and we all want to have that “high”. That feeling you get when riding down a hill on your bicycle, it’s warm but not hot, you just had ice cream, and you have your playlist on. But that doesn’t mean you need to make billions, have 3 Teslas, and be on TV, in the news, and travelling the world doing press. Happiness can be found in a 3 bedroom house, south side of a lake. It can also be found in lower classes where there are people who are able to rejoice that they have a family. Don’t take what you have for granted.
5. Take a breath.
   Times like these, in quarantine and surrounded by face masks, are hard. But I feel like, as a country and as a world, we have been given this time because we’ve been rushing around, soccer game to movie night to dates, and we just need to calm down. Focus on what you can do to better yourself, dream a little, and be happy. Enjoy the things you have been given, don’t take them for granted. Remember that you’re never guaranteed tomorrow. To say it in an esteemed, wise, down-to-earth 24-year-old actor’s words, “We’re only here for so long. Be happy, man. You could get hit by a truck tomorrow.” (-Timothée Chalamet) Embrace the time you’re in; embrace the person you are; embrace what you’ve been given.